I’m not a parent and I think this article was recommended to me because ADHD.
But as someone who writes as a neurodiversity activist, I’m absolutely horrified by the comments suggesting physical abuse so I wanted to offer compassion to balance it out a bit. (Although it sounds like wayyyyy more than ADHD or any sort of neurodiversity issue, I’m not going to try and tell you what the issue is because all I know is what you said in the article).
It is totally normal to feel like giving up in this situation. And you obviously care immensely. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have written this.
What I do know is these situations are tricky because there’s so much stigma against parents with kids who exhibit behavior like this. And there’s stigma against disorders that are associated with behaviors like this. It is very very difficult to talk about and I respect that you are.
My suggestion (if you haven’t already) is to start writing down incidents when they happen. Keep a journal. Remembering all the details will help illuminate any reoccurring pattern. Make sure to set your emotion aside when writing this down. You can attend to that when you’re done (or keep a second journal). Just write down details you noticed as objectively as possible. This can help immensely in predicting triggers and presenting evidence to a psychologist or therapist or other doctor.
I feel so much for you. As someone with ADHD, I’m always happy to see parents who acknowledge their responsibility while respecting their own emotions at the same time. I hope for the best for you.